I Have a Bad Addiction to Saving. Why I Need More Balance.
The other day, my Wife said something interesting to me, "You need to have more balance. Your first reaction is to save everything." To be honest, I didn't even realize that I had this tendency, until I thought about how waiting between paychecks makes me feel.
As I've talked about prior, I've struggled with the thought that I should not be here. The events of my childhood, the poverty, the lack of financial security, are never far from my mind. Now that I am a Surgeon and I have the benefit of having some semblance of financial security from my profession, I have yet to break the habit of thinking I have to save and not spend.
For me, saving is like a security blanket of sorts. If I see that I have cash or access to cash available, I can keep any anxiety I have about lack of money at bay. To be honest, its kind of irrational when I think about it. I am in a high paying profession and I do my best to keep my expenses reasonable. Yet, I've developed anxiety about not having money available.
As a Doctor, I understand that a sign of pathology is the lack of self-awareness regarding its presence. Until my Wife said that statement, I was unaware of my tight-wad habits. Granted my habits are a defense mechanism and they scream of an inner-child looking for security, the reality my profession provides stability and that defense mechanism needs to dial back.
Today, I am going to make a concerted effort to live more and save less. Not save less in a way that jeopardizes my family's financial future or detracts from my goal, but save in a more reasonable manner and live an existence that is less anxiety filled. I am choosing to trust in my reality and not live in an irrational state.
Saving is a mechanism to accomplish a goal. If your saving is causing anxiety, re-evaluate the amount your saving, and realize its okay to back off and live a little.