Building A Better Network

Fear is a powerful motivator. Humans, with their flight or fight system, have long used fear to survive. Whether it was our ancestors choosing to run from the Lion or hunt the Lion, fear played a significant role. Without fear, there would be no need to have courage. 

Fear is necessary and crucial for success, safety, network building, and wealth. 

Fear of public speaking motivated Warren Buffett, in his 20s, to sign up for the Dale Carnegie public speaking course. That same fear also stopped him as he canceled the initial payment for the course after attending the first meeting. 

According to Mr. Buffett, his fear of public speaking caused such a visceral reaction he would "literally throw up" at the thought of having to do it.

Again, this is the Oracle of Omaha, Mr. Warren Buffett himself, who was motivated by fear to not speak in public to the degree he avoided classes in college that required that sort of thing. However, he overcame that fear to become who he is today. His chosen method was distilling public speaking down to a "science" taught by Dale Carnegie. 

Eventually, Mr. Buffett paid the required fee - $100 back then - and took the course. His public speaking improved with practice, and his communication ability opened doors for his career. Given that he now hosts - and has for decades - an annual pilgrimage to Omaha each year for Berkshire Shareholders, it's safe to say he's over his fear. 

After graduating from Columbia's business school, Buffett worked as a securities salesman. His desire to share his knowledge and love of investing with others required him to learn how to talk effectively with strangers. That desire exceeded the fear of public speaking and was the impetus for attending the Carnegie course. 

A hidden point in that story is that Buffett clearly understood WHO he was, WHO he wanted to be, and WHAT he wanted to achieve.

That defined vision is a step that many people - including myself in the past - have answered poorly. Knowing who you are and what you want to achieve or get out of life is essential. Having firmly answered those questions will allow you to overcome fear as an obstacle to meeting an objective. 

The objective is to build a better network. You're 22 years old again, fit, healthy, and freshly minted with a college degree in something hard, and you've landed your first real grown-up job. The successful start of your first job following college indicates you likely had who you are, who you wanted to be, and what you wanted to achieve figured out. However, to reach the next step in your journey in life, you'll have to redefine those answers as you gain further life experience. 

You don't know what you don't know. 

I remember being 22 years old and having my older friends tell me I needed to learn to network. However, they didn't explain how to do it.

Investopedia defines networking as "exchanging information and ideas among people with a common profession or special interest, usually in an informal social setting. Networking often begins with a single point of common ground."

Experience has taught me that "finding common ground with a stranger" is how you network effectively. For Warren Buffett, the Dale Carnegie course led him to find common ground in a repeatable way. 

25-40% of the world is estimated to be introverts. Mr. Buffett is an introvert. Most people would not believe that I am naturally introverted. Unlike Mr. Buffett, I learned to become more extroverted as an adaptation to my ever-changing environment while being raised in poverty. My introverted nature can sometimes lead to anxiety in new settings or meeting people that I don't know who are in my field. 

I tend to hide it well, but in the past, I was tormented by questions such as "What if they don't think I am smart?" or "What if I am a joke to them?" or "What if I don't fit in?" 

I used to say that my anxiety contributed to a fear of success. Anxiety, in general, can often be the physical manifestation of fear. At the same time, it is not unreasonable for anxiety to manifest while talking to new people in unfamiliar environments or when you aren't confident in yourself. However, anxiety which causes a crippling fear preventing you from achieving an objective is a problem. (i.e., my prior fear of success)

The solution to that problem lies in our ability to define our WHO and WHAT; that answer serves as the basis to begin networking effectively. 

Effective networking or finding common ground relies on your ability to care about WHO the other person is and WHAT they want to achieve. To form a new connection, it can't be about you. It has to be about the other person. Similarly, the other person has to reciprocate a similar approach.

Start your conversation by establishing a common ground between you and someone new. That common ground can be anything, such as a fondness of a particular food, traveling, movies, or a prior life experience like being an athlete. Ask questions about the other person and be intent while listening. Please make an effort to learn and hear their story. Someone interested in connecting with you will also want to know your story. 

As you age, your networking ability will influence your success level. My willingness to put myself out there and start a blog during the pandemic has changed my life. That action allowed me to find others on a similar path who gained value from my experience while also allowing me to learn from theirs. 

Using social media, you can extend your networking ability. By sharing your beliefs (whether bad or good), you can find common ground with others of a similar belief system. Showcase WHO you are and share WHAT you hope to achieve, but remember to listen and learn from those who choose to connect with you. If you succeed, you'll find common ground, form stronger connections, and change the trajectory of your life.